Entry 59: Choices

I think that's true in some way. Our abilities are just what we can do; it's not something reflective of our personalities. Abilities show only the physical or mental aspect of us, while choices show our thoughts and psychological individuality. If you believe that our being is not the body we live in, then this idea is definitely logical.
In my short life so far, I have only made a few really hard choices. The times when I decided to enter a dance school, to dance only as a hobby, to start home-schooling, to come to PAS, to come back to PAS again after I went to ICA...and now the on-going decision of my future college major, these are the choices that have affected and will affect my life direction. Well, I was fairly small when I decided to go for a dance school. I had no idea what the school was like and if I had any talent. I just went for it. I don't really know what it shows. But then, after I spent some years learning those dances, I felt that dancing is not my thing. I knew then I wasn't talented enough to actually make something out of it. I gave up the idea of becoming a performer and just danced for fun. I think that shows I'm aware of my own self. In other words, I'm practical. Coming to PAS was another practical decision. After home-schooling for a while, I knew I wasn't exactly the kind of extremely self-motivated person and I actually thrive under some pressure. I chose to go to a school again, but not a local school because I had enough of them.

Entry 58: Free Write

Hum, so, today's topic is no topic. How wonderful.
For art class we were to come up with a topic and a thesis statement for an essay. I don't know what I'll write about...Mrs. Jones suggested me to think about something related to feminism, since last semester I did a PowerPoint presentation on Hannah Hoch. Feminism in art, I suppose there's a whole lot to write about. I've always been bothered by the fact that artists create artworks of female nudes so often. When I was young I have been told that it became a tradition because female bodies are the hardest to capture. Now that I think about it, isn't it just bullcrap? An awful excuse? I mean, look at all these nasty male artists early in history, why do you think they hire pretty, naked models and paint them? Okay, I might have taken this a bit too personal because I feel somewhat offended. But seriously, this tradition should already be gone now. It's obviously unfair to the women. It seems like we are all sluts in some of those paintings, especially when the painting has both men and women; the men all well-dressed while the women naked. I'm also one of those all-or-nothing type. If there were to be naked women, there should be naked men as well. If the men are dressed, then make the ladies wear something too!
Oh, it's 200 words already? Haha, I'm always loud when it comes to feminist/ inequality topics. I can go on forever. The thing is, I was intending to use this chance to think about my essay topic, but it ended up with me going about this feminist rant.

Entry 57: Sea Fever

I can understand that the speaker loves the life on the sea, but since I've never liked seas that much and I've never been a sailor, I probably can't have empathy with him. I do have things that are my passions for life. The first thing is drawing, or art in general. The second is music, but only a few of the musicians that I listen to can give me a "fever." I can never stop drawing. If I don't draw for a while I get itches in my hand, I grow upset and I just want to draw something very badly. When I'm working on a picture, if I can't finish at least to a point where I can put it aside for a while but I have to do other things, I can't concentrate on the things that I have to do. (for example, homework) Drawing is my life, period. For music, I get "fevers" from certain musicians. I used to have serious Beatlemania. I still love the Beatles, (who doesn't? Haha.) but just not as crazy as before. Now I'm currently obsessed with Pet Shop Boys...still not as crazy as when I was obsessed with the Beatles, but god, how I love this electronic duo. I'm also really into Shpongle right now. This music project changed me. It changed the way I do artworks. I can't do my homework without some music playing. Music influences me in a lot of ways.

Entry 56: Public Speaking

I rather like performing, I think. Although I'm not a very outgoing person, I feel good when I can speak out my point of views and ideas. The fear of standing before a crowd never fades away, even though I've had many experiences in which I perform on stages. It's also another thing when there's no one other than you on stage. Performing with a group of people always feel better than doing it alone. When I was in elementary I did a lot of dancing performances. I never dance solo so I would feel nervous but at least not that bad. Then after I came to PAS I learned about presentations. That was really the first time I need to make a PowerPoint and speak. I believe I have improved a lot, both my English and speaking skills, since that time. When I was 13 I started playing guitar. Besides playing to myself, learning guitar also meant that I would have chances to perform. I'm still not very comfortable playing in front of people, but I often think about singing in the talent show. Do we have a talent show this year? If yes...I don't know what I'm going to perform, gees. I think reciting a poem is easier than a speech, because you know exactly what you're going to say.

Entry 55: The Inspiration of Sounds

As long as you have ears and you are not deaf, you never stop hearing sounds. Everything makes sounds when they move, even inanimate objects because when you move them they collide with air. Hearing is an extremely important sense to us. We perceive sounds so we can remember certain things, understand what's happening, measure the distance of an object, and all the other wonderful things. Sounds can affect a person's mood or thinking, especially when repeated. Music is the art of sounds. Musicians manipulate sounds to create an effect or express a message. Depending on the song, the listener may feel a variety of different things. Music is very inspirational because the sounds affect mood and can almost create an image in one's head. The listeners would relate the sounds to their own memories. A particular sound can help you recall a thing in the past. Another way we react to sounds is that we move our bodies. Beats, especially faster ones, make us want to dance. Also, different sounds can inspire different images and dance moves. Something in us will instinctively associate shapes and certain movements to sounds. For example, we describe a sound sharp because we think it reminds us of something with a sharp shape. A more harmonic sound may remind us of something rounder.

Entry 54: Travel

I have traveled on airplanes since I was very young. I know the earliest memory of a trip out of Taiwan was the time I went to Singapore, but I can't be sure if it was really the first. I had no memory of the flight. I have to admit for my age, I have been to quite a few countries. When I was little I wasn't afraid of flying. It's like the more you know, the more you would be scared of. Flying was just the same as a car trip, but longer. I only remember the feeling of stuffiness and pressure when the plane took off. Except that, flying was rather comfortable for me. Now, I may be concerned, but I'm still not scared of flights. The things that worry me more might be the safety of my luggage because it gets missed, lost, or forgotten often. Before I get on the plane it almost occurs naturally that I start to predict what disasters might happen during the trip. However I know they are (usually) nonsense and I will probably forget about them in a few minutes. The boredom on airplanes is another problem. When you are taking a trip to the US for example, it's a 14 hour flight. What are you going to do in the middle of nowhere in the air? Fortunately planes have little TV sets now. But a movie is only 2-3 hours, the rest of the time is hard to pass.

Entry 53: Write a Sonnet

What ways am I mesmerized by your charm?
Not from your looks, nor fame, nor way of life.
To me, they were the times I can disarm,
But feel like my heart is stabbed by a knife.
The art and the melodies at their best,
With the tide of strings and your soothing voice,
Pain and sorrow spin and come to their rest,
Trembling first then quiet, like a rolling dice.
The pleasant nature of your modesty,
Shines through the harmony with elegance.
I will never forget your honesty,
And the way you demand for acceptance.
The years have passed and the dreams will shiver.
Only the music shall last, forever.

Entry 52: Respond to Shakespeare

Dear William Shakespeare,
I cannot fully express my feelings without using capital letters. WHO ART THOU AND WHAT BE THIS I DOTH NOT EVEN. I don't even know you why are you writing this explicit sonnet to me? YOU CREEP. However I dare not deny your skills as a poet. I find the comparisons quite charming and the words clever. Yes I am tired of those cliche metaphors just as you are. I am truly flattered by your effort in writing the poem. My heart may be sighing inside, but my mind speaks more convincingly. You are too arrogant and famous, in other words - you are a jerk. Keep on dreaming that your poem will last forever, it's not, and one day I'm going to die as well as you. Please, I am not as good as you think. You are totally blinded by your temporary passion. Let me tell you, I snore and I like spiders. HOW ABOUT THAT? Don't I sound extremely attractive? I also have a habit of biting my nails. So, go and find some other person who is like that in your poem and forget me. Before that I am going to forget you first.
Sincerely,
Catrina Chen

Entry 51: Heart!

In Emily Dickinson's poem, "Heart! We Will Forget Him!" Dickinson personifies her heart. Her heart becomes a separate being, although still part of herself. She treats her heart differently because she wants to forget the man she loved. She tries to use her mind, or her reason, to overcome her feelings. She also does that to feel like she is not alone. When she has lost the man she might be extremely depressed and desolated. It might be the reason why she talks to her own heart, so as to feel like the task of forgetting the person is not done alone. The poem gives off a feeling that, the emotions are harder to forget than cognitive ones. In the poem Dickinson tells her heart to hurry up or else her mind will remember the man again. It seems like she is able to put the memories of him aside in her head but not so much in her heart.
I can't recall a time when I tried to separate my thoughts and feelings, at least not intentionally. Most of the time I think I'm quite a logical person. When I feel an emotion I usually think about it either at once or afterward and analyze the feeling, reflecting why I feel that way. I guess that basically means I separate thoughts and feelings all the time. However I still consider both things one, not separated.

Entry 50: Tanka Poem

Each poem here was inspired by a real image. The first one is a cartoon character; the other two are album covers. 

Warden in purple
Wearing round yellow glasses
Red bow, yellow shirt
Also the black leather shoes
Has a gap between his teeth

Gray broken tombstone
Fading brown grass covers earth
Lonely black figure
Looks down without emotion
His hair sways with the cold wind.

Sunny day, blue sky
A walker playing red ball
A turn on sidewalk
Two scissors bigger than man
stand beside flattened people